Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
Randomize
