Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Randomize
