dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
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