I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
