Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Randomize
