He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Randomize
