I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
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