2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Randomize
