I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
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