You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
