hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
why do cheetos always look like penises
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
