My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
zippers are such a cool invention
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
Randomize
