So drunk, too bad you don't want this
haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Randomize
