you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
