He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
