Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
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