sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
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