So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
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