He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
