Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
well most of my day revolves around power hour
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
Randomize
