babies were throwing up all over the place
everyone is single if you try hard enough
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
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