Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
She went from zero to smokin in five shots
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
