he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
Randomize
