never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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