Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
I would ride that face into the sunset
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
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