no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
