I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
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