Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Randomize
