we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
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