i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
I just sucked dick on a ferry
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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