3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
I woke up under a house in Key West
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