can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
