Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
Randomize
