I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
