you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Randomize
