Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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