She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
