in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
