Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
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