a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
