i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
