The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
