I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
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