Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
