My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Randomize
