Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
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