I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
