She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Randomize
