WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Randomize
