So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
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