Bisexual people are plain selfish.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
