I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
