Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
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