You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
Randomize
