I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Randomize
