I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Randomize
